the "I'm a shitty boyfriend" chronicles, part ?????

[meteorstorm]

[ this mopey motherfucker is moping around the cabin and probably spending a lot of time (even more than usual) by himself

it's like he has his own aura of guilt and shame and all that other bad stuff ]

Comments

[plainsugar]

What were you even thinking when you made the decision to sleep with her?!

[meteorstorm]

I wasn't. That's the problem.

[plainsugar]

I'm so pissed off at you right now!

[meteorstorm]

You think I'm not pissed off at myself? That I enjoy knowing I keep making the wrong decisions and hurting the last person on this planet I'd ever want to hurt? That I keep making the same mistakes over and over again?

[ might be getting a little manic ]

[plainsugar]

You deserve it! Tomoko hasn't done anything to you and you repaid her by breaking her trust in you and hurting her!

[meteorstorm]

[ yelling now ]

I know! I don't deserve someone like her! I thought I was the luckiest person in the world when she agreed to be with me and I keep fucking it up. She deserves to be treated better than that. I know that! It's not her fault, it's mine.

[plainsugar]

I hope she dumps you after this! Because you're right, she does deserve better than this!

[meteorstorm]

[ he just sounds completely defeated ]

I'm the luckiest person alive if she doesn't. It's not her fault I'm not strong enough. It's not her fault I'm too weak-minded and self-serving to think about the consequences of my actions before I do it. She's already forgiven me for too much. I don't expect to be forgiven again.

[plainsugar]

Just--

Shit!

She deserves better than what you did to her. If she forgives you, don't think I won't keep a watch on you because I will.

Because I don't trust you not to hurt her again.

[meteorstorm]

[ flatly ]

I don't trust myself, either. It doesn't matter how much I say I won't, or how hard I try. I'll just end up doing something stupid again.

[plainsugar]

Learn from your mistakes!

[meteorstorm]

If it were that easy, I would've already done it. I've done all I know how to do. I've tried to do the right thing and be as honest as I can about it. I can't make that choice for her.

[plainsugar]

. . .

At least you know.

[meteorstorm]

It's too little, too late. I don't expect to be forgiven. I'll be amazed if she's even still willing to talk to me.

[plainsugar]

It's really hard to stay mad at you when you keep saying these things.

[meteorstorm]

I don't want to be That Guy. I just am.

[plainsugar]

. . .

[meteorstorm]

. . .

[plainsugar]

Whatever. You're still on notice.

[meteorstorm]

I'm more afraid of what she can do than what you can do.

[plainsugar]

You mean her curses? Well, you deserve it.

[meteorstorm]

How many times do I have to say I know that already?

[plainsugar]

You deserve a reminder!

[meteorstorm]

I remind myself of it every damn minute of every damn day.

[plainsugar]

Good.