meteorstorm | the "I'm a shitty boyfriend" chronicles, part ?????

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the "I'm a shitty boyfriend" chronicles, part ?????

[ this mopey motherfucker is moping around the cabin and probably spending a lot of time (even more than usual) by himself

it's like he has his own aura of guilt and shame and all that other bad stuff ]

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Do you even know how much Tomoko loves you?!

I screwed up. I know I did. I hurt her again, and I can't change that.

I don't even--

I had to hold her while she cried.

I didn't go there intending for that to happen. But it did, and I couldn't lie to her about it or pretend it didn't happen. So she could make her own decision about what she wants to do with a boyfriend she obviously can't trust.

[ for what it's worth, he does look miserable and appropriately ashamed of himself ]

What were you even thinking when you made the decision to sleep with her?!

I wasn't. That's the problem.

Edited 2014-01-17 00:47 (UTC)

I'm so pissed off at you right now!

You think I'm not pissed off at myself? That I enjoy knowing I keep making the wrong decisions and hurting the last person on this planet I'd ever want to hurt? That I keep making the same mistakes over and over again?

[ might be getting a little manic ]

You deserve it! Tomoko hasn't done anything to you and you repaid her by breaking her trust in you and hurting her!

[ yelling now ]

I know! I don't deserve someone like her! I thought I was the luckiest person in the world when she agreed to be with me and I keep fucking it up. She deserves to be treated better than that. I know that! It's not her fault, it's mine.

I hope she dumps you after this! Because you're right, she does deserve better than this!

[ he just sounds completely defeated ]

I'm the luckiest person alive if she doesn't. It's not her fault I'm not strong enough. It's not her fault I'm too weak-minded and self-serving to think about the consequences of my actions before I do it. She's already forgiven me for too much. I don't expect to be forgiven again.

Just--

Shit!

She deserves better than what you did to her. If she forgives you, don't think I won't keep a watch on you because I will.

Because I don't trust you not to hurt her again.

[ flatly ]

I don't trust myself, either. It doesn't matter how much I say I won't, or how hard I try. I'll just end up doing something stupid again.

Learn from your mistakes!

If it were that easy, I would've already done it. I've done all I know how to do. I've tried to do the right thing and be as honest as I can about it. I can't make that choice for her.